the God who is there.

My life has a bit of drama right now. I hate drama. The story is a long one, and it involves my asking God for guidance, and getting it, and finding out that my sense of morality has taken a sharp turn from that of some of my friends. However, enacting that guidance did not result in any perfecto moment. Just more drama. I'm tired.

Thus, I'm going to take Lindell's advice (great prayer service sermon tonight), and talk to God about all of the things I'm grateful for. Some are big, some are tiny, and this is not by any means an exhaustive list. Just some things that come to mind:

For helping me at LPC, when evil was so there. My job at Abbott House. All of the wonderful people there I came to love, and who loved me. Sunny afternoons in downtown Highland Park. Books! Walking along the beeeeauuutiful Lake Michigan harbor in Kenosha. The way the sun rose off the lake, and broke your heart with beauty. My brother's wedding! The love I felt at that wedding. The fun I had. Late-night mimosas with my new family at the hotel bar. Seeing Lauren in STL. So, so many precious moments. Saturday farmer's markets with my Mom. My puppy asleep in my lap, reading about theology at home. Getting to help set up the launch of Zion's Boys and Girls Club. What grace. Meeting so many amazing local business and civic leaders, and having their input in my life. The Art Institute--so many moments standing before my favorite paintings, feeling happy. Rach and My Thai. My lunches with Reina at the beach. To be so loved! Acceptance to grad school! Getting paid to be at grad school! Too many people to mention by name. All of these moments I've had where I've just stopped, and felt...felt love and happiness overflowing in my heart, bubbling up and out, and into the crevices of my life in ways that are simply beyond what I deserve. The understanding of Christ! Accepting Him. My baptism. A new place to live, with people from Life Group. My Life Group. That Saturday bible study. My heart beating, and my eyes seeing, and my ears hearing, and my legs and arms and feet and hands all intact. Plans to go to STL for Thanksgiving! Oh, to see my family, and my dogs, and play Nintendo, and just to be with people I've known longer than three months. And then, Christmas! To get to see almost everyone I love. Mmm, midnight mass. Father, thank you.

Also, for giving me a heart that knew to look for you, one that has always known of you, even when astray. For giving me the opportunities to be a good student early on in life, so that I could stay afloat with everything happening. For strong role models throughout my life. For Halloween 1999. For too many people to mention. For many happy memories with my crazy family. For getting me through college alive, and relatively unmaimed. For helping me to understand and learn from it all. For being in control. For being the God who is there (to steal from Schaeffer).

You are. And I love you.