I am lost.

I'm not here. Not there. Just floating. Trying to figure out healthy adult life--marriage, work, career growth, church.

What does it all mean?

I'm not that same girl who wrote all of the other things on this blog. She's gone. Her life is gone. I am now this woman in front of you. I'm married. My self is joined with another self, and both are different now--they're a new self, foreign and familiar at once, to both of us.

I am this woman, respected and bossy, still entirely full of altogether improbable hope for saving the world. But mired in paperwork. Unsure of what to do next, how to build out this career, how best to advance. Running out of time.

I am this woman in a church not made for me. But here I am. Here He has me. And why, I ask with anguish?

I wish I were that other girl, but I'm not. I can't be. So what do I do?

Does God still love me? Does He still hope for me? Are there better things still ahead?

I legitimately don't feel the yes. But I will trust the yes.