Who's in the Right?

Today is not a great day. I'm hungry, but no food seems appealing. I'm exhausted, but I can't fall asleep. I'm keyed up, and I can't figure out how to calm everything down.

I had my second Life Group meeting last night. I was ready to quit after the first, but decided to stick it out for another session. I'm glad I did. But now I'm on the verge of quitting again.

After the group, I talked for awhile with a couple of the other Life-ers. As we talked, we began to tread deeper and deeper water, until I suddenly realized (as has happened a few times already since I moved down here) that I am IN the Christian Right. My companions are young-earth creationists. They believe in the absolute Truth and divinely-inspired nature of the Scriptures. They seem to be believe that homosexuality is wrong. And there's a set of concerns of the appearance of sins involving drinking, swearing, and sexuality, that is completely foreign to me.

My tipping point last night was the exact moment I realized they believe the earth is only 6,000 years old. For whatever reason, that one realization broke upon me, and set everything at odds. I felt my heart speed up, my palms get sweaty, my face flushed. Not out of anger, but out of shock. I thought, "Oh my God, you're in their midst. You are inside of every documentary, or book, or news story about the Right you've ever seen." I shouldn't have been surprised. I doubt they realize how "Other" they are to me. How could they? They'd have to become as submerged in my world as I am in theirs.

We talked about that as well, actually. I said that I feel as though Christians often want me to buy into what they're saying, but don't often want to hear what I have to say. This is a common complaint from my non-Christian friends, as well. And even if the Christian is willing to let you speak, it seems seldom that they're willing to hear you. I don't mean to target just Christians with this behavior--many of us do it. I'm just more acutely aware of the Christians right now.

It is impossible for them to understand where I'm coming from, without, on some level, abandoning or suspending (even just momentarily) their own belief system. Meanwhile, I have agreed to step all in to the pentecostal church. To lift my arms in worship to find out how it affects me. To at least play along with the laying of hands during prayer, and consider its value. To imagine a world that is 6000 years old, that is governed by the whims of a God who cares about weather, and employment.

And I've learned some things. I like lifting my arms in worship--it's a lesson in submission, just as kneeling is in the Episcopal church. I don't know that I think any immediate practical healing occurs as a result of the laying of hands, but it's a powerful message of "I'm with you, I love you." To believe that the world is 6000 years old has a proximate value--it magnifies the enormous power of God, and reminds me that, though I don't think that the world is so young, mine is a God who can create on this earth whatever He wishes, no matter the magnitude, or the detail. Similarly, I am not convinced that God chooses to suspend the natural workings of the world to accomodate requests related to weather, but I know that He can.

To consider these things is an exercise in seeking Truth. Ultimately, I don't think that my companions' beliefs are all Truths. But in considering them, I learn about myself, and I come closer to God. Those are well worth the trouble.

What doesn't seem worth the trouble is to constantly be the one who is wrong. The one who doesn't get it, who needs guidance, the baby in faith. Such an offensive idea. I have been told before that I play the martyr when I begin to talk about being the "Christian outsider" of the Christian Church. And I do know that my problems with being "the baby" stem from pride. But not entirely. Why is it that if God gave me a mission that is holy biblical, but uncomfortable to Christians, I'm schizophrenic? But if God gives one of them a mission that is biblically dubious, but allows us to maintain the status quo while "building the Kingdom," that person is glorified from within the church?

We need to wake up. Or we will die in our sleep.