a fact that demands.

That's not all. That last post...it's not the whole story.

I feel like a fraud now, when I go to church. I stand there, trying to figure out what my heart is saying, and if it's telling me it's ok to sing that line, that line, and what about that one? I like to sing. Can I still sing?

...And at your cross, I lay my burdens. At your feet, where your love covers. All I've done, now I walk with you, Lord...

Beautiful, beautiful words. Heart-shattering. I believe in those words conceptually, I think. A few weeks ago, I had no trouble singing them, because I knew they represented my world view, if not exactly as they were intended, at least in theory. Now, I know I believe those words fully as intended. But wait, do I? What's going on? Why does it feel like my heart is being ripped in two?

I'm too tired to actually look at John Lindell as he talks. Too tired? Too nervous, maybe?

I could walk. But I'd know that I was walking away from a decision. Suspending myself in time, only to avoid what has to be done. We all make the choice. Whether we decide to believe, or not to believe, or to just live as we are without acknowledging that belief, we all make the freaking choice. No one gets a free pass.

No matter what. No matter the distractions in our lives. We have to account for ourselves. I am here! I exist! I breathe. I am a fact that demands an explanation.

What is that explanation? What do I know it to be?

Is it time?