I, personally.

One thing is now clear. I am not a Christian by John Lindell's definition. The first time I ever heard him lay it out on the topic of salvation, I was offended by his bluntness. I have come to appreciate that bluntness. We all seem to walk around assuming a lot of things about one another, and one another's beliefs, and in so doing, we miss the chance to have meaningful discussion.

I'd like to take that spirit, and do a little laying it out there of my own. Mostly for my own benefit. There are so many things that I don't yet, or no longer, believe, that it's easier to note the things that I do currently believe, so I'll start there.

I believe in a God who created the universe, and has the power to alter it however He likes. He has supernatural access to all knowledge--that is to say, He knows the deepest parts of my heart, He understands what is indecipherable to humanity, and He can manage an infinite number of matters simultaneously. Though he has the ability to alter the weather, or to zap wisdom to my heart--I don't think that He often exercises that power, if ever. He created a world according to physical and behavioral laws, and allows those laws their jurisdiction. Having said that, I think, and act at times, as though I have a personal God, as though I have the ear of the Most High. I get swept away in the idea that that God should be glorified, and prayed to. Sometimes, I think that I sense Him.

What we call sin is actually human nature, as dictated by evolution. That is, when we are selfish, or mean, or petty, or cruel, we are so because something in our environment, and the environments of our ancestors, has allowed for such behaviors in our nature. I don't believe that the story of Adam and Eve is literal. The apple is not real. Having said that, and unlike our lesser-developed animal predecessors, we have the ability to choose our actions. We can choose to be selfless, rather than selfish, etc. And because we can choose, and because we understand the consequences of our actions, we can hold ourselves, and one another, to ethical standards for our behavior.

I do not believe that the Holy Bible is "divinely-inspired," whatever that actually means. I think that most of the Old Testament is irrelevant, and fanciful, and shouldn't be taken literally. I have a soft spot for the Gospels, at least where Christ's words and actions are at play. Though, I don't know what to do with some of the claims related to Jesus' divinity--the virgin birth, the miracles, even the Resurrection and Ascension (oh no, she did-n't). Paul's writings bother me in parts, even as others are heart-shatteringly beautiful. I would be hard-pressed to say that I believe ANY of the crazy junk up in Revelation.

I believe that the person Jesus Christ walked the earth, and showed a love that was remarkable, and sacrificial, in a way that our world had not yet understood love to be. I say that I have entrusted my life to Christ, to mean that I believe that the love that He showed crossed boundaries, it broke down walls, and delivered to the world a new morality. He said love to the point of death, and then He did. I would follow that most anywhere. I'll sing songs about it, I'll try to live it, I'll hang with people completely different from me in every other way, if they share that ideal.

I don't understand the claim to divinity. I don't understand salvation. I don't think that any major magic trick happens the moment that one decides to "accept Christ." I don't believe that there's some transaction of atonement that occurs in salvation. I don't think that I've ever really believed that "believing in Christ" is the only way to "Heaven." And by the way, I don't know that I actually believe in Heaven or in Hell.

I'm chuckling to myself a bit as I re-read all of what I've just written. I'm wondering by whose defintion I was considering myself a Christian. John Shelby Spong's, maybe. But the rest of the Christians would prefer to kick him out, so it's a miracle that I've felt the right to walk into any church at all. I guess I've called myself a Christian because I have prayed half-heartedly, and believed (whole-heartedly) in the love that Christ showed on this earth. I've read so much, I know so much. I have assumed that I am a Christian who can play fast and loose with gospel theology, and, in a sense, make my own kind of Christianity. I'm not convinced that's untrue. Not everyone believes everything, and I'm pretty sure that an honest survey of JRA's 10,000 would spill quite a mixed bag.

Anyway, anyone with a brain would read all of that and recognize that it is one hot mess. That is, it's inconsistent, not always logical, and it turns both to the right, and the left. But it's a start. A place from which to dig myself out of this hole.

None of this is eloquent. But it's real.

Also, I can't get over how much I enjoy Lindell's sermons, even when I disagree with him on something. I think that church should go for an hour as usual, we should stop to take a stretch break, and then keep going for another three. I would like to personally spearhead the lobby for longer sermons at JRA. And you know I truly mean that because I hate it when people use the word "personally" to describe something they're going to do, as though personal involvement is not inferred. But this time, it's just that personal.