Pente-what what?

Just got home from the opener of James River's Designed for Life "So Loved" Women's Conference!

Let me say that I was skeptical going in. Really Christian women aren't my usual crowd, and I'm somewhat offended by the idea that "girl time" must be steeped in pink cupcakes, and chocolate. I'm a girl, and my idea of girl time is a good drink, and a conversation about philosophy in the corner of a St. Louis dive bar, with my good friend, Lauren. At no point do we brush each others' hair, or hop off the stools to hit up a jewelry botique.

Having said that, I made the decision last night to commit to this conference. Rather, the directive had been given to me, and I decided to obey. And on the way to Ozark this afternoon, I said one thing to myself in the car: "I'm all in."

Funny that the first speaker's theme was about being all in, as our Father is all in.

Anyway, I made that statement to encompass a much larger tangle of ideas. I didn't want to do this conference as a spectator, or as a student of churches or human behavior. I wanted to do the conference as a Christian woman, who loves the people around her, and who wants to use the time to seek Truth. I didn't want to spend the whole time harping on the arm-waving, and shouted prayers. I didn't want to constantly be analyzing what I agree with, what I don't agree with. Shortly, I wanted to be wholly present.

So I was. I mean, I went full-on pentecostal in that shizzle (which, to an actual pentecostal person would probably have seemed low to maybe medium pentecostal). I raised my hands in worship. I closed my eyes. I even prayed almost audibly. I definitely gave a few (quiet) amens to the speaker's points. And you know what?

I'm no dumber. I'm no less feisty, intellectually. I'm not brainwashed. I don't think that I entered a cult. I'm still completely able to spot a bad argument from either direction.

I am brilliantly happy. I do feel refreshed, and encouraged, and like I met my Lord this evening.

I let it happen. And it did. What's it? I don't know...an experience. An entrance into the body of Christ. I let myself be a part of the family. I let myself express my faith in charismatic terms. I don't have words. My heart is full. My heart is full.