not just yet.

I'm thinking of a dozen different comments that people have made to me in the last week that are pushing at me, nagging me to think that I'm not good enough, not worth anything, not what I should be.

And I'm worried. How in the world am I going to find a job when I graduate? How in the world am I going to get this thesis finished so that I can graduate? What if I'm not smart enough, or not organized enough to help the church with this thesis project that is now gaining some speed?

And what if all of this is wrong? How foolish am I? I've become significantly linked to this church, and more importantly, to this God, and what if I'm wrong?

Yesterday, and today, my heart has been sinking under the pressure. The doubt is overwhelming.

I'm praying. I'm reading. I'm trying to trust.

Yet, I think that in all of that, I'm still expecting to do the work myself. The pressure is so great because I'm thinking I can hold it all off. I can't.

So, having prayed, and read, and prepared, not because my doing those things can help me to change the situation but because they remind me that He can, now I'm going to sleep.

This is only the beginning. Not time to be in over my head just yet.