it's simple really.

For my conspicuous lack of tears throughout the entirety of the testimony filming today, I can't stop crying now.

I'm overwhelmed.

After I told my story again and again and again, I started to lose sight, in my heart, of the simplicity of the thing. I came here, and I had been broken by trying to find God. I'd tried to convince myself He wasn't true, tried to drink myself away from Him, even tried to end the whole process. And then, God did the impossible. He brought me to a church I never should have joined. I never should have gone back for a second service. But I did. The people loved me. Because of their love, I stayed long enough to consider the gospel. And then something crazy happened. So I accepted Christ. He became real, so I accepted Him. Things have changed. Yes, I live my relationships differently, I think differently, I consider morality differently. That's not the important stuff. Now, I have a relationship with God. And THAT has made all of the difference. The most heart-breaking thing about leaving Christ wouldn't be the fear of return to some messy lifestyle, or the loss of a communal experience in the church--it'd be the absence of these most precious moments spent in conversation with my Father. It'd be the acute pain of a life suddenly separated from its source, from the very depths of the love out of which it was forged.

I'm overwhelmed because it's so easy to forget these simple things. Knowing that, I fear for my life. Because living without Christ is not living alive, and I am powerless to change myself.

On His power I pray. I ask Him for me what I ask for others--that He'd remain so incredibly close. Simply close.