what the what?!?: (anti)intellectualism.

I lost my temper. Last night, I said things I shouldn't have said, in ways that were unloving. And so, as I went to take communion tonight, I first met God in confession.

I think it's far harder to meet people in confession. I've been apologizing to these particular people almost for as long as I've known them, because something about their faith brings out in me the worst. Another week, another apology.

This post isn't about confession, though. It's about anti-intellectualism. I started the post by talking about confession and apology, because the sometimes anti-intellectual milieu of this culture almost always ends in me needing to confess and apologize. So, friends, I may have to end this post in the way I started it.

Until then, a few words on the intellect in conservative evangelicalism.

First things first. The bible is not self-explanatory. If it were, we would all believe the same things, in the same ways. The fact that there are valid debates going on across a variety of its teachings ought to tell us that it requires some interpretation. And that requires some education. Hence, the plethora of seminaries across the country, and world--all helping people to understand this "basic" document.

This might seem simple, but tell me if you've heard or said this: "I really only read the bible."

There's a sort of silent subtext here. It actually means something more like, "I really only read the bible, and I rely on my pastor to color my reading with his interpretations and beliefs." So, though the explicit message is one of "The bible is all I need in order to understand my faith," the reality is that your faith is not predicated solely on scriptures, but also (more so) on the interpretations of scriptures through the eyes of someone who has in fact read books. Your faith is not purely biblical. It's a collection of opinions. You might just as well have first-hand knowledge of those opinions. But even if you don't take that step, please don't think that you're some sort of purist in faith because you eschew the search for Truth, while simultaneously benefiting from those who have presumably embraced that search.

And about that. We are all called to be scholars in faith. God gives wisdom, yes. But before we had wisdom, we had a steady multiplication of cells in our neural tracts, and I think that God expects us to make good on the mechanisms He put in place. We are all called to be discerning thinkers in the quest for Truth.

When I say things like that, invariably someone will counter, "But, I'm not really a smart person--it's not a gift that God gave me, so maybe there are some people who just aren't meant to be scholars of faith." To which I say: Phooey!

And then I say, with a gentle sarcasm, "But I'm not really a nice person--that's just not something that comes easily to me, so maybe I'm just not meant to show God's love to people."

Yes, God gave us strengths. But He also promises us that when we seek Him, He will provide. And I don't think that that applies just to what comes easily. In fact, perhaps it is in those areas of our lives in which we are weakest that God can be the most effective. Because it is in those areas in which the miracles are most clearly and unequivocally displays of His power, and not our own. So let's not pretend as though some of us are called to think, and some are not. We're all called to love. We're all called to think. That is, I believe, one of the mysteries of how Love and Truth intertwine.

If you heard the call, and you said yes, you signed on to be a scholar. You signed on to be a thinker. Maybe it will be hard for you, but how else will you understand faith? I heard the call, and I said yes, and I signed on to be more trusting, and to be more kind. And that is hard for me! Maybe that's why I hide in my books. But, without exploring this part of my call, how else will I understand faith?

The call to intellect in faith is not an option, it's not something set apart for just some of us--it's an imperative. I often imagine meeting God face to face. And He'll ask me "Did you love me with all of your heart?" And I'll say, Yes, Lord, yes I tried. "And did you love me with all of your soul?" Yes, Father. "With all of your strength?" Mmhmm, I did. "And with all of your mind?"

Some of what I've seen and heard down here tends to devalue that last question. One of my first observations of Southern pentecostalism was that it is the heart to the Episcopalian intellect I had come from. But both heart and mind are necessary.

And on that day of reckoning, I want to be able to account for my mind, "Lord, I searched the world for Your truth. I left no stone un-turned, and I stared into the darkness, knowing that Your spirit lives in me to guide me. And I was scared, and I was confused, and I wanted quit, to give up on Truth, but You were good. You were good. Yes, Father, I loved you with all of my mind."