terrible ideas.

Ok, well. It's done. Possibly the bravest thing I've done in a while.

Totally silly--once I say what it is, you'll think it's completely not brave. But I assure you, and my babbling tone should also help convey, that it is very brave of me.

God had better be real.

Anyway, this is the point...

I've recognized for a while that I need to somehow be willing to step out with faith in a way that would allow me to feel like I'm integrating my faith with the rest of my life, with friends and family from home, and the University here. But I can't make this blog public--it's too personal. It's too explosively self-disclosive. Just the thought of having a lot of people read this makes me feel like I'm standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon without a handrail.

So then I thought...okay, why not start another blog that is also about faith issues, and also openly identifies me as Christian, and let that be a lower-grade, less crazy, open record of my Christian existence? As a way of easing myself into all of the things I'm afraid of--mostly being judged for being Christian by friends who think all of this is intellectually immature.

So that's the plan. And now the plan has been carried out.

http://ashleylouisebunnell.blogspot.com/

There's a link from my facebook profile.

I feel very nervous. Like this is a terrible idea. I'm mentally rehearsing every possible FB friend I have. How many of them know that I care about faith issues? How many of them think I'm just academically interested in religion? Am I right? Am I right about God? Because if I'm not, I'm going to look majorly foolish. This is dumb, this is dumb, Ashley Louise. You should just keep your real faith to yourself. Talk about academic theories of atonement, about John Shelby Spong books, and how interesting the Old Testament is, but keep your personal faith--the parts about loving God, and Christ dying for you--you should keep that to yourself. You should also stop writing stream-of-consciousness rants when your fear and ridiculousness and self-absorption are on full display. End this entry here.