drugs are bad.

So much to say. So little time to say it in.

So, let me just say this:

God is moving.

I know. News flash, right? Oh, didn't you know? God's moving. He's alive.

I'll be more specific:

God is moving in my life.

Most of the time, I'm not really sure what's happening. I'm so caught up in what's going on with her, and whether I offended him, and how in the world am I going to teach them that, and ohhemmgee, when will I have time for this--the moments stolen in prayer and Word seem like respite from the world, and they are powerful, but I find myself wondering...am I changing?

Until I look. The change is there to see.

I'm asking questions I would never have imagined I'd ask. And not big, theological questions about the nature of knowing, but small, simple questions about how my soul relates to the world. Questions like, "Should I really be putting the trash that is the Real Housewives (my real Housewives, I love them) into my heart and mind?" Or, "Could it be time to retire my arsenal of jokes about heroin addiction?"

Things that have seemed funny lose their shininess in the absolute light of His love.

Fear grips my heart. Am I getting lame? Legalistic? Who doesn't love a good opiate joke?

Then, another fear. Has so much of who I've been--my personality, my humor, my "smartness"--come from being jaded and cynical, and kinda...mean-spirited?

The answer is yes. I'm less funny as I've given up my jokes about drugs, and sex, and booze, because I have less to say. In the absence of the jokes that made me the "funny one" at home, I've become something of the quiet one. Or the awkward one, maybe the random one. Or just the nerdy one. Whatever fits.

But anyway. I don't think I'm getting lame. I do think I'm thinking more about what my words mean. About what I think is funny, and useful. About the way that I talk about the world, and all of what's in it. And I don't think that my curbing some of my ridiculousness makes me lame, I think it might just make me a tiny bit wiser than I was.

My fear is of becoming a "pollyanna" Christian (see months and months ago in this blog), but the opposite of sin isn't pollyanna-ness, it's light. It's love.