going Oprah.

Assemblies of God National Headquarters
1300 hours

I wish I could get that clickety-clackety typing sound to play when this entry pops up, like whenever the Pentagon is on a TV show or a movie. Though according to the books I'm reading, the true Pentagon of the evangelical movement is in South Barrington. Nonetheless, I feel some trepidation as I walk up to the building. Which is, by the way, an unmistakable relic of the 60s. Aaaand we're in.

Ohhh Lordy, it's my grandmother's living room. If grandma had a penchant for marble walls. The paintings are beautiful--though completely different in style, the use of light reminds me of what I love about J.M.W. Turner. I'm given a visitor's badge, and directions to the museum. There's a sign at the stairs notifying whoever would ascend that everyone requires badges beyond that point. I wonder why. Are there security concerns? How important is this place, exactly? Do people from outside the fold care what happens here? What does happen here?

After a few minutes of museum exploration (which, by the way, looks like ridiculous fun, and will claim more of my time when I'm not wearing heels that kill my feet), I am met by my tour guide. She has great shoes. And is ten different kinds of knowledgeable. We start in this old-timey chapel, with a video.

Did you know that the Assemblies of God were orginally started by a bunch of men who had been kicked out of their own churches for being too radical? This denomination just sky-rocketed in my esteem. The other thing I did not know-- the re-emergence (so to speak) of speaking in tongues only occurred within the last 100 (or so) years. More about that in a second.

So we continue on with our trek. Out of the chapel, through the printing press, and past a couple of the offices, up to the fourth floor, where I am given an opportunity to talk to a few of the employees. I can't help myself. I want to know more about this speaking in tongues phenomenon. I'm too polite to ask what I really want to ask. What does it feel like? Are you still wholly within your body, so to speak, or is it like you've been taken over? Can you understand it as it's coming out of your mouth? Does it sound the same as other peoples', or do you have your own "language?" How does it comes to you? Is it something that you are consciously producing, or is sort of flowing through you?

I keep those questions to myself, but I do go a little Oprah, and ask them if they have ever spoken in tongues themselves. They have. Huh. Interesting. I then wonder aloud at how tongues are viewed within the AG church. Do all people have that gift? Or just some? Is it the only proof of being baptized in the holy spirit? Basically what I'm getting at is: Is speaking in tongues considered an integral part of the faith?

Not having been raised in the church, and not having spent time in pentecostal churches before moving down here, tongues are a little...uh, strange. That's a lie. They're more than strange. They are a stronghold on "Ashley's List of the Top Three Weirdest Things These People Do." Right next to what I think of as "praying for the hearing-impaired" (God can hear you, no need to shout), and the near-convulsive displays of emotion during prayer.

I don't deny the passages of Acts that speak to the practice. But I also don't understand how the phenomenon has risen so quickly after almost two millenia in dormancy. On the way out, we stop by the archives in my attempt to find some answers. Apparently, the first modern "speaker" was Agnes Ozman, under the tutelage of Charles Parham. I'd be lying if I said I didn't question the event. One woman has what appears to be a fit of religious hysteria, and it kicks off a sudden encore of the Second Great Awakening that gives spark to a new branch of the Christian church? I don't know, man.

Then again, I'm all about sudden and unexpected revelations that turn the church on its ear. Truth will have its way. Is this true, though? And if so, why has it been suppressed for so long?

As I talk with the AGHQ-ers, I ask myself if I think I'll ever speak in tongues. The answer is a resounding "NO." I pray that if God wants to give evidence of the Holy Spirit working in me, let it be something, anything else...acts of kindness, or humility, good deeds done without laud, a supernatural affinity to pick up French.

Hell, I'll pray in German, if He so chooses. But please, no tongues.