now.

Now more than ever, I need Him. Whispering, I say, "Now more than ever, I need You."

I'm a big fan of words, obviously, but I have found that my words don't have much to do with God. Through them, I've learned of Him. And with them, I speak of Him. But at the end of it all, maybe at the beginning, they don't touch Him.

I'm trying to think of a way to write about worship. About longing, and grace, and moments spent in such absolute awe. I can describe that to you. I can tell you that when I lift my hands to God, I never feel safer. Never more right. At the end, my words are a poor substitute for the truth of the matter.

I'm thinking about this because those moments are real.

Last week, I met with the scholarship office at AGTS to talk about the logistics of my enrolling there. Tomorrow morning, I'll interview to actually work in ministry. Most every Sunday for over a year now, I've helped in production at James River. My thesis stands to possibly improve the way that new believer ministry is done. The church that was once a little intimidating is now entirely familiar and comfortable to me.

At the center of all of this stands still a Savior.

I pray to remember that in the midst of the craziness. I've had an odd experience so far. From foul-mouthed skeptic, to involved believer. I've had something of a rapid tour through the church. I've been given opportunities that seem...strangely advanced. I'll be honest. It's easy to begin thinking that I am somehow extra-blessed, more talented, smarter, or "marked." Easy and so terribly dangerous.

Oh, Father, protect me from that. Let me love You first and always, and too intensely to ever stray, to ever believe that whatever good in me comes apart from You, and can be rightfully used away from You.

Now more than ever, I need You.