intact.

I know two things.

I will be fine. God will be glorified.

Whatever this is--this moment of uncertainty, and fear and confusion--it's a moment only. Albeit a powerful one.

The truth is that I believe in fantastical things. I claim as truth things that seem downright nonsensical. Things that can be hard to defend and that ultimately take refuge in faith.

I don't mean to paint a bleak picture for the logic of Christianity--my faith is at least as logical as any other.

But--to believe all of these fantastical things, and to not shrink from their truth, puts me at odds with all of what I came from socially.

I had forgotten just how much of a sin it is to be biblically Christian among my peer group. The vitriol with which they approach the Christian faith is stunning. Or rather, the Christian ideology.

See, they are okay with my going to church, my identifying as Christian, and my interesting chatter about my experiences here--all pleasant, if odd, little corners of Ashley. It's the conviction they'd hate. The part about sin, and Christ, and absolute Truth. Because that stuff--that stuff has something to say about them, personally. I think that most people sense, even if they consciously espouse relativism, that the problem with any truth claim is that it is either true, or it's not, for anyone. For everyone. Hence all the squabbling over that famous question, "Do you think I'M going to hell?"

As far as truth claims go, I've crossed the line, and I've crossed it in a big way. I say, and do, and think things that would be baffling to them. More than baffling. Wrong. Crazy. Cultic. Brainwashed.

Of course, this I understand. I still remember the surge of adrenaline I felt the first time I heard someone speak in tongues in public. It was one of the most shocking and electrifying moments of my life. I can remember the exact moment I realized the people around me believed that the earth is only 6000 years old. My heart sped up, face flushed, palms sweating, it was like being tossed into an alternate universe. They do exist.

So I completely understand the distance between me and my friends. But I dread the process of having them understand--slowly, more and more--who I am. I'm sad to know that there are some things that we won't share, and there are decisions that we make that will be incomprehensible to the other.

Then again, that has always been the case.

And God has always been in control.