unfinished product.

I am praying for something big. Like, really big.

I'm not even going to write what it is, because I'm embarrassed for anyone to know the audacity of my asking for it. It's that crazy.

I was sitting in prayer meeting tonight, thinking that this is actually the one-year anniversary of my first prayer meeting, and then thinking that I will probably be made fun of for writing that in my blog, but then finally thinking that I need to do what I say I'm doing.

This was all happening as we were singing my absolute favorite worship song, "Jesus, You're All I Need." LOVE that song. Have since I first heard it. Very emotional connection to that song.

But, as we sang, I was not in fact lifting my voice, nor shouting His name. Thus, I need to do what I say I'm doing.

I don't want to bust myself too hard on the issue, because I did in fact pray out loud tonight. With other people! In our little prayer group. And it was great! Something about hearing my own voice praying, and their whispered "Yes, Lords" and "Amens" completely upped the power of the momet, and I might have even done a little Tim Keene-ing with the volume. It was craz-ay. And exciting, and exhilarating, and I'm not even going to lie--all I could think was that I'd be lucky to pray with people like this for the rest of my life. The reality of a life lived in the church became awesome to me in that moment. I also touched someone during prayer (I believe they call it "laying on of hands") for the second time this month. So, not an altogether unsuccessful evening.

Still, though--I need to do what I say I'm doing. It's most obvious when I'm whispering a lyric about shouting. Less obvious when I'm praying for guidance in my decisions, but not making the calls to get the information. Or sitting in my seat on a Wednesday night, asking God for the confidence to approach the altar, but unwilling to take the step. Or, praying for something big, without really believing in the possibility.

I have come a very long way over the past year, but We're not done yet.