theological methadone.

It's 10am on Sunday morning. Do you know where I am?

I'll tell you where I'm not. I'm not in the shower, getting ready to go to church. That's right. Look Ma, no hands. I'm doing it. I am skipping church. I'd be crying if this Coffee Ethic mocha weren't so frigging good.

It is really freaking good, though. The Conan of mochas--the best of it's kind. That was lame.

This Sunday morning finds me at The Coffee Ethic, jamming to some Ben Folds, and pretending to read for my classes, sipping that sweet, sweet mocha. I can't lie. I thought for sure that I'd wake up, and change my mind. I thought I'd be on my way to church by now. I have no idea how I'm going to make it past tonight's service. One hour at a time. I've been clean for about 14 hours now, after I bolted from my Old Testament study last night. There's actually a church on McDaniel I've been wanting to try. The walk back to my car will be a trial.

This is so outrageously ridiculous, I am laughing out loud at the coffee shop.

1. No one is addicted to church.

2. No one thinks that church addiction is a bad thing.

3. Wait a second!

There's a big honking precedent for this. People have been addicted to "religious" movements before (don't drink the kool-aid!). And everyone agrees that these addictions were bad. Yes.

In the same vein, as I think that most modern churches are leading people away from Jesus' true intentions, I can believe myself to have been addicted to false doctrine, and that would be bad.

What's the theological equivalent to methadone? Can I use the Unitarian Universalists to wean myself from the pentecostals? Maybe I should go slower. Pentecostal, nondenominational, methodist, then UUs? This might all be a slippery slope to Kabbalah.

Ha! At least I'm in good spirits so far. Skipping prayer meeting on Wednesday is going to kill my heart.

Question: If it's this hard to quit church, if you really want to be there, why are you doing this?

Because I don't really want to be there. I mean, I do. But I want to be there for the atmosphere. And some of the teaching. The minute someone says something dumb about Satan, I'm steaming.

Right, but, it's dumb to expect everyone around you to agree with you.

I don't expect everyone to agree. I expect everyone to have reasonable support for their views. It's not necessarily what's being said, it's how it's being said.

Ok, so you're quitting the church because you think your thought processes, and experience of truth is superior to theirs?

No, no, that's not it. It's just... Yes. Yes, I do. Which seems pretty fine by me, because they think the exact same thing of me. Let's be clear, there are smart and thoughtful people there. But the overwhelming culture is one of anti-intellectual, emotion-based faith. Everything about the experience is designed to stun your senses, and push you into a decision you might not have adequate reason to make. Not unlike Vegas, with all of it's lights and sounds. That's wrong. And it seems to result in uneducated believers. People who are looking for something to feel better about. Not people who are willing to make real sacrifices for the Truth of Jesus' morality. Nor people who are willing to do the digging to harbor informed knowledge of Christian scripture and ethics.

15 hours, and counting.