unanswered prayers.

I made a list tonight of my favorite unanswered prayers. Just to remind myself that I have been desperate before. And that thankfully, so mercifully, my desperation does not bend the heart of God.

Sometimes, we hope it does. And many of those times, it seems so cruel that in fact, it doesn't.

But in the clearer moments, like tonight, with my list -- I couldn't be more grateful.

And in the remembering, I find encouragement that God will deal as deftly with the desperate prayers of today as he has with yesterdays'.

I'm not exactly desperate right now in a material sense -- life is mostly good. We have good jobs. We want for nothing, really. Yet, it just feels like there is more. Just out of our reach. More life to live with God. Bigger dreams, bolder visions, for what it is to follow him. To pour ourselves out for him. To be more generous, more daring, more invested in his Love.

I am so desperate for that.

And so far from having any idea of what to do.

So I have a few prayers. They're desperate. I don't know whether God will answer them. But I do know, thanks to my list, that he has a perfect track record so far of knowing which to go all in on, and which to just leave where I put them.

He spoke to me tonight. Well, his spirit pressed on me tonight, that the sweetest part of desperate prayers is the resting with him after they've been prayed. He heard me. He heard me.

He's finding me.