the shot.

I don't always understand God.

Not like, the decisions he makes to answer some prayers and not others, but, literally... who he is. I don't always understand who or what God is.

We talk a blue streak about praying to him, and spending time with him, and having a relationship with him, but sometimes that is so abstract.

Just being honest.

Is God that warm feeling I get when I'm grooving to Bethel? Is he that sense that I get that I should do that one thing, but not the other?

I was talking to him about this tonight -- whatever that actually means -- and he (whoever he actually is) pressed on me... "Tell me about Jesus."

So I started listing out the things I think about Jesus...

Jesus didn't give a fig about rules when they interfered with love.
Jesus was moved by peoples' pain.
Jesus was impervious to appearance.
Jesus spent time with real people, he wasn't too good for anyone.
Jesus didn't discriminate based on race, or gender, or status.
Jesus gave his life that we might have even just a chance at life with God.

The last one got me. Not just that he sacrificed his life. What jumped at me in this moment with God, was that as Jesus died on the cross, there was no guarantee for him that it was worth it.

He gave his life not knowing that I would accept and live eternally with him, but just so that I would have the shot.

I won't even give a dollar if I think there's a chance it won't be spent 100% appropriately.

But Jesus isn't like that -- he gave it all, just on a flier. Just in case. Just in the off chance that I would hear, and respond, and understand, and want to be eternally in relationship with him. That's how generous he is. That's how important I am to him.

And that's God. That's the God to whom I pray. That's the one with whom I am in relationship.

Doesn't that just make you rethink everything you know about generosity?