here for that.

I was talking to someone yesterday, a young woman in our church who is facing some discouragement in her professional life, and is in general just trying to figure out what God has for her.

She told me about all of these jobs she had applied to, and finished by telling me somewhat dejectedly that the real problem is that she just doesn't want any of them. She's not excited by any of these opportunities, and being offered any of them would not feel to her like a good thing. Some combination of the city she'd have to move to, the church, the role itself, or other factors had her feeling pretty sour about each of them.

There was one opportunity, though, that seemed perfect. She said she loved the church, the location was desirable, and she'd feel very confident stepping into the role. But, frustratingly, she didn't feel she was really in the running for that job.

I paused, and gently, slowly, asked her... "But if you were to get the perfect job in the place that you'd love to be, doing work that you feel wouldn't be too much of a stretch for you--work you say you'd feel completely confident doing--in a church you are enthusiastic about -- where is the space for God to grow you? What about that situation would stretch your reliance on God?"

She didn't understand the question, and I can't blame her because it was poorly asked.

So I took another pass. "Look, you've got all of these options over here that you tell me aren't so great -- you don't love the locations, or the churches, or the roles aren't quite right. And then you'e got this PERFECT job over here that you'd feel 100% comfortable doing. It seems to me that you could fit into the perfect job, and it might be enjoyable, but if it's perfect for you, and you'd feel so confident doing it -- you wouldn't need God, you wouldn't need to rely on him, you wouldn't need to grow, and you wouldn't need him to stretch your ability to trust him. But those jobs over there -- the imperfect ones -- those are really the gold. Get one of those, and you'd have to trust God, you'd have to rely on him to grow your love for the church, and the city. You'd have to believe that he will give you what you need to do the job well."

And then I found myself telling her about my cancer. About how on the surface, it might have been better to have never gotten sick, but there are things I learned in my illness that couldn't have been learned in health. Things about myself, about God, about his love for me, and what it is to be with him when you are thinking you're really about to go be with him. There are things that my family learned, and ways in which their faith was transformed that would not have happened if my cancer had not happened. So health is great, but sickness -- it is so much better. If your goal is to gain wisdom and depth with God.

I have no idea if she understood any of this, or if it had any impact on her at all, but as I heard the words coming out of my mouth, I knew they were from the spirit, and I knew that they were for me as much as for her.

We spend so much time trying to pray away the hard things, but the hard things are where the good stuff is, y'all.

I don't know whether we will find the perfect church, or the perfect jobs, or whether we will get to adopt, or become a part of a tighter community, or experience any part of our own promised land, but here's what I am damn sure about -- the harder the road, the harder I will be pressing in to his presence, and I am here for that, Jesus.