to love and to like.

Tonight, John said that part of grace, of the halting of deserved condemnation, is that if God spoke to us, He would do so as He did to Jesus...

"...my beloved child, with whom I am well-pleased..."

It took my breath away. I felt jolted. Incredulous.

Because I immediately thought, "He wouldn't say that to me." Though I know that He loves me, and I could end this sentence with any number of scriptural references to His promises, or His purposes...I couldn't believe that He'd say that to me. Still, right now, I can't believe that He'd say that to me.

I'm sure He'd call me beloved, the part that trips me up is the "well-pleased." I didn't realize until tonight that I don't ever imagine God would say that to me, because I instead have pictured that God would say to me what I would say to me. Maybe something like,

"...my beloved child, who is really messing this up right now, and needs to gain more discipline, and should not be sinning that way, and is making awful decisions, and is completely beyond even my power to save now, but has a great hair color..."

But. But what if He is pleased with me? Do you think that's possible? I always kind of think He loves some things, sure, but that He probably spends way more time tsk-ing me, than smiling at me.

The idea that God is pleased with me knocks the wind out of me. It brings instantaneous tears. It's almost too much. I mean, honestly, do you think He loves me and likes me?

Maybe that sounds pathetic, or as though I don't like me. I am thrilled with me, but I've just always imagined that those above me, my parents, my pastors, my advisers, my God...maybe love me, but aren't really very encouraged by my quirkiness, my odd sense of humor, my sarcasm, or my headstrong sense of independence.

Do you think that God delights in those things? That He would ever say that He was pleased with me?

Grace might be a little more incredible than I had considered.