The Thrill is Gone.

Just got home from JRA's prayer service.

I prayed for Anna and her stepdaughter, Allison, and for Margaret, that she and her daughters receive a message from God during an impending conference, and for Bob, that his slowly-healing eye condition go away during the service tonight. Also, that God's presence would settle down around the new Wilson's Creek property, that God would bless a young couple as they move to Mexico to pursue full-time missions, and for an East Coast Italian's quest to start churches in the (apparently) unsaved Catholic-dominated Rhode Island. I prayed that Joan's daughter sell her house, and that Elmer's cancer be banished. And I prayed that God would give me compassion for all of these people. That He would give me the courage to follow Truth.

I think the least likely to pan out is Bob's eye. Nothing against Bob. He was a GREAT guy--kept murmuring "Yes, Lord, oh boy, yes..." and rocking from side to side. He believed.

Service was hard tonight. When I'm tired, and tonight I am exhausted, it's harder for me to practice love. All of the things about the people around me that I might normally be interested by, or be challenged to accept out of love, become colossally naive and troublesome. Tom and his "oh boy, oh Lord's" become trite. Joyce, and her prayer for some cosmic message seems shallow. The whooping and hollaring, and arm-waving, and shouting grates on my sense of awe in the Presence. References to the "unsaved" Catholics, and rhetoric that reduces Christ to a simple transaction curdles my resolve.

Nights like this break my heart. They call into question my devotion to some how, some way, finding a place in The Church. Most of my faith has been lived outside of the church. To tell it honestly, I prefer a great number of non-Christians to quite a few of the Christians I have met. Not that the nonsies are any more right about life than the chosen, just that they aren't taking the time to be really wrong about something I love so much. That is, I don't have to listen to crackpot theologies, and unsettling religious diatribes from them. I appreciate that.

So I think my JRA days may be numbered. Maybe I'll go back to the Episcopalians. I've got a real yen for a good "And also with you." Interestingly, that exchange (Peace be with you; and also with you) was incredibly jarring to me when I first started attending the Episcopal church...