And so it is done.

I've decided to let myself off the hook.

I first went to James River six weeks ago, less than 24 hours after I arrived in Springfield. Since then, I have been in constant debate with myself over the role that JRA will play in my life. It goes something like this:

You love the worship...no, you hate the worship, you stand there like a nerd while everyone waves their hands around, but you're too reserved to...ok, but you love it, even if you feel like a nerd...oh, I wish he would stop with the God will bless you if you bless Him stuff--good budgeting is a blessing, there are no magic tricks in math...will you ever feel comfortable in the worship?...please God, please God, don't let anyone lay their hands on me...Crap! Someone's touching me, Father, I'm trusting You on this one...These people are so kind...I so totally feel more at home in a church than I've felt in a very, very long time...but this place is majorly more conservative then I am...I can still be myself, not everyone in a church agrees with everything...God, where do you want me?

The reality is that there's plenty at JRA that I disagree with. But I'm naturally argumentative. I have never been to a church that rates my complete complacence. That's just not ever going to happen. I think God loves me in spite of, perhaps more so (!), because of that analytical annoyingness I bring to things. But, and this is a huge but. This church is teaching me to love Christians. My scorn for all things Christianica has been the single most destructive facet of my faith since its inception. I am shocked and amazed that God would choose a pentecostal megachurch as the vehicle of lessons about love for my fellow Christians.

But I think He's doing just that. And I'm not too hard-headed to recognize and accept that. Thus, I'm letting myself off the hook. James River it is. Now for the volunteering and tithing discussions.