this.

"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those you curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back...But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil."

Oh my God, what a God.

There are all sorts of words to be written about this--words of conviction and failure and action and hope, but for right now, I don't want to miss this: THIS is the God that I serve! This God who gives without concern for his returns, and endures abuse with love, and shows kindness in the dark, and who asks me to do the same. THIS is my God. What a God.

Though the type A in me wants to jump on to application--bags for the homeless, and maybe flowers for that sour work acquaintance, prayers for that harsh friend--I feel the Spirit stopping me, telling me to slow down, to revel and to bask in the awareness of his kindness, and his mercy.

Because after so many months of pain, and disillusionment that have lead (if I'm being honest, and I am, against my best judgment) to a near total collapse of my faith, in his kindness, he knows that I need his kindness. That I have for so long now, and with such disastrous consequences, been defining him by his church, and the world around it. So I've become totally out of touch with his love, his compassion, his mercy, his generosity. This is the God that I serve.

Could it be? It feels too good to be true. Because I am the ungrateful and evil, and yet, he shows me kindness. What sweet repose. What a God.