go and tell them.

I've been struggling with feeling peace. And compassion. And forgiveness. And humility. And sometimes just about anything good.

I mean, there are moments. I have good friends, and family, and lots of meaningful things in life, but some days, some weeks, it feels as though I am just trying to hop from one distraction to the next to avoid my fear. Fear that I am not doing enough professionally, that my cancer might come back, that my marriage isn't enough, that my husband won't get that thing that he wants, that I've upset someone, or done something wrong, or not measured up in some way.

But as I dig into his word, I have felt that God is slowly telling me one thing: look at me. As in, stop with all of this stuff about you and your feelings, and look at ME. I am peace. I am compassion. I am forgiveness. I am the antidote to fear.

Tonight, I read this, from Luke 7: "And he answered them, 'Go and tell John what you have seen and heard: the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up, the poor have good news preached to them..."

And when I can still myself for long enough to think, really think, about these realities, I see it so clearly. He is so powerful. What predicament could I possibly find myself in that is any match for this God? Not that I won't be in painful predicaments, but this story is told, y'all. And it ends with God on the throne.

I realize now that the first step in the slow slide away from the faith of my Missouri days was the step away from his word, and away from understanding who he really is. God became a concept to me, and not a very powerful one. And the world is rough, so of course I feel fear!

But all along, he's been right here. Lord, save me.