fessing and failing.

I was at a training this morning, for the New Life workers--the volunteers who pray with people who come down to accept Christ during the altar call. Before I hit the room, I realized...

This is my passion. Oddly. Crazily. Outrageously.

The girl who is kind of shy in faith, and won't even tell her family or friends that she has this blog.

This is my passion. Figuring out how to reach people with the promise and hope of Christ. Watching them grow, as I am growing, in relationship with the God who loves them more than they can imagine.

Somehow, this is my passion.

I'm not sure what that means. Immediately, I make it mean something terribly negative. "You can't ever help someone know God. You don't even share God with people in your life. There's no way. You're crazy. Or stupid. You're so not ready. You'll never be ready. You can't share a blog URL, but you think your passion is sharing Christ with people? Stupid. You can't ever help someone know God."

But...how about something different? How about it means that God is working in me? That He wouldn't place a desire where He didn't also place an ability. Maybe not right now, maybe not tomorrow, but gradually, surely.

The moments I feel most alive have been those in which I am talking with someone about Christ--even when I was theologically liberal! How crazy is that? And how crazy is it that I spent more time speaking of Him when I believed He was a moral teacher, than now when I know Him to be so much more?

I don't know how this will all end up. I do know that I don't want to be too afraid of failure to fess up to a call.