still.

Tomorrow is Good Friday.

Last year at this time, I had surrendered fully to Christ only a week before. At the service, I had brought some brownies to a girl with whom I'd just started a friendship a couple of months before, asking her to bring them to her production people--people I now adore, and who've helped guide me and care for me through this last year. I had never seen the inside of the production room at that time--tomorrow is one of the three services this month for which I won't be in that room.

A lot changes in a year.

On Monday, I'll finalize the first round of details on my thesis, looking at how to help facilitate the discipleship process. Today, I lined up the parts of my application to AGTS, and by next week, my file will be started in the admissions office. On Sunday, roughly 14,000 people will hear me talk about the emptiness of my life before Christ, and the love I've come to know.

I wonder if I'm up for all this? Truthfully, the answer is "No." But, He is. So we'll keep walking.

I wonder if I'm one of those creepy, over-zealous converts who gets too deep too fast, and goes crazy religious? But the fact that I know enough to ask that question is reassuring.

I wonder if I've come to worship the church, but not the Savior? Honestly, probably sometimes. But He always brings me back.

I wonder if, related to the last point, I've sought His work in my heart, or have just become a busy church bee? Again, honestly, probably sometimes. But I see evidence of sincere heart change.

Categorically, one by one, my wonderings are met with truth ("maybe" or "sometimes" or "yes"), but His power can handle that truth, can change it. G.K. Chesterton wrote that "though the dragon's jaws may fill the sky, still they are not everything." Though I've much to learn about life in the church, and much, much more to learn about life with God, God is always bigger than what I lack. He's bigger than my ignorance, and bigger than my insecurity, and He's bigger than my sin. He is, in fact, bigger than my life. Than church services, and science, and seminary.

Maybe I'm not ready for all of this, but We are.