behind the veil.

I earned it. Right?

I've put in the time. I've lived the life. I'm wise.

I've earned the right to call it as I see it. I know what I'm talking about. I know you disagree, but, have you seen what I've seen?

Right.

So, you think you've got the ear of the Most High. But I know life. Forget about the sky, I know what happens down here. And what I say is real. It's true.

That's the fallacy I lived under. I came here with an arrogance that said all of that and more. It said, "What I say is right, and I have the wisdom and intelligence and knowledge to pass judgment on everything under the sun."

I'm thinking about this after a recent conversation with a friend from home. I was telling her that I was going out with some friends, and she told me, jokingly, to "Stay safe, stay sober-er." I said that I wasn't worried--the strongest thing these friends drink is some mouthwash down the wrong pipe. And there was a weird moment. A "what are you doing down there with conservative Christians" moment.

I want to think that I'm imagining these kinds of things. But I'm really not. The weird moments are there. They happen.

And they remind me that we all have a religion. We all have a church. We all listen to sermons. We are congregants of whatever doctrine to which we feel called. Though we might eschew "traditional" belief systems, yet we believe.

Some of my friends are a little weird-ed out that I'm hanging with people who don't drink. People who don't swear. People who choose to take a pass on sex until he puts a ring on it.

They look at those choices, and the beliefs that underlie them, and they're incredulous. They think that these new friends are immature. Mistaken. Sometimes, it's a bit stronger. Sometimes, they think these friends are foolish, stupid even. And when it comes to the big ticket beliefs (ie. ones that can be voted on), the incredulity turns to disdain, then hatred.

All of that--based on what? A veiled religion. A personal religion that says that the Christianity of my new friends is bunk. But, a lot of those who claim to stand above religion ultimately follow the least sensical faith of all--an unsubstantiated set of sensations, or feelings, about the way the world is or ought to be. They claim to set aside judgment, in a sort of high-minded tolerance and relativism. But who can do that? Might just as well know the beliefs you live by. Know the standards by which you're passing judgment.

That might be harsh for me to say, judgmental, even. But I am well-qualified to talk about judgmentalism. I have a knack for snap judgment, a gift. I won the prize before I came to Christ, and I'm in the running still.

So, there's one thing to say.

Father, thank you for your patience with me. Thanks for letting me see what I hadn't. You reached in and changed everything when I was so so certain of my own wisdom. Thank you for giving me grace with people to whom I was so ungracious. Bless me to show that kind of grace. Take my judgmentalism, leaving only an unswerving love of truth, and a deep desire to know you beyond all of what I think I already know.

Let me be bare, that I might let others be so vulnerable to You.