these many threads.

I invited a close friend of mine from college (and beyond!) to read this blog a few days ago, and now I'm concerned about exactly how crazy I seem, writing about all of the inner stuff of my faith. She has graciously assured me that I'm "inspirational," and not so much crazy. But I know better.

I'm just gonna go for broke here.

It's hard--when inside of five years ago we were shooting tequila together and sharing stories of unholy nights--to suddenly be inviting her into this new life. This life devoid of tequila, that is curiously sex-less (until marriage, anyway--then, just wait kiddies, just wait), and that cares so darn much about the will of God.

So, there's a tension. I wonder how to talk openly of my faith, to live openly my convictions, while embracing without judgment the life I've lived. I question whether I can be honest about the depth of my search for God, and all of the varied ways I'm finding Him, without seeming hypocritical, or lame, or brainwashed.

Certainly, my friends won't find my spirituality to be anything new. I've always been the one interested in God, hungover, but in church all the same. Yet, the tone of my faith now is entirely different. I read these posts, and I think... "Holy mother of God, these are the words of a girl who is after God." There's no illusion of a half-hearted search.

And there's no question that along with my love of God have come some differences in the way that I live. That can't be ignored. My friends aren't ignoring it.

I think that sometimes what happens to people in my position is that those differences begin to drive a wedge in their friendships. Even in the absence of judgment, judgment is perceived, and slowly, the Christian becomes isolated to other Christians. The richness of their friendships is stolen, and the diversity of their understanding lessens. It's sad.

I don't know how this is all going to look moving forward. I do know that I love my friends, and value my experiences, and that the same God who has called me all these years is weaving together the many threads of my being.

That's worth getting a little crazy for, at least.