we believe in one God.

I don't have the energy to make this pretty, so this'll be like ...and there alone is God: rough cut... unplugged, raw, live, etc.

I've been doing something a little crazy, without realizing it. So, when a friend of mine brought it up recently, it was easy for me to categorically deny her claim, because I didn't agree with some of the rest of what she was saying. Until tonight.

I was in church, thinking about how the sermon reminded me of this post that I wrote way back in April of last year. The post is about how no matter what is taken from me, God is the only thing that I really need, and coincidentally, He can never be taken from me.

I re-read it when I got home, and it touched me. I had such a pure faith at that time. I know that sounds silly--it was only 8 months ago, but as I've noted before, I feel like I've been on a rapid spin cycle over the last year and a half. My heart turns upside down, and back around, about once every three weeks. As I read, I thought..."Wow, you found such joy in God then."

I still find joy in God. Recently, though, it's been joy tempered by questions. Is the Old Testament meant to be taken literally in its entirety? How could a virgin give birth to God? (It is literally occurring to me as I write this that given that I believe that Jesus was God, the part about her being a virgin shouldn't be such an issue...I mean, really). How does culture interact with scripture?

I think I may be forgetting all that I do believe. I believe in an all-powerful God, who hears my prayers, and sent His son to account for my sins. I believe that He gives me the grace to change, and grow. I believe that He changes lives, and that I've seen Him change mine. I believe that He can overcome any questions I have about what is literal, and what is not. I believe that whatever happens--His great plan is good.

When I re-read that blog, I remembered what it was like to live in these beliefs fully. See, I've been putting my questions on the same level with my beliefs. So I've been holding back. Treating it all as suspect. Forgetting the great joy that comes in conviction.

And that's crazy. To allow questions about all that you don't know to affect the reality of all that you do...it's crazy.

My belief is not perfect. It's dependent, at best. But I want it to be joyful.